We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
