You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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