Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
