Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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