i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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