I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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