Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
