Sry I called you an 8
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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