you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
