he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
