he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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