Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
