i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
