Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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