Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
