I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
