new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
