I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
