Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
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