remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
