i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
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