It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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