I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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