this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
