What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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