Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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