is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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