once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize
