You just made me feel so damn special
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
