i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
