no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Princesses don't give blow jobs
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Randomize
