is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
