It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
