I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
