i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
