I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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