Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
