I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
