He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
