You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
