she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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