good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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