it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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