Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Randomize
