ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
worst night to have a conscience
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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