Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
