A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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