Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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