What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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