Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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